This just in, a quarter of men are unrealistic assholes who should be castrated.

According to a British survey, 25% of men prefer ‘enhanced’ breasts (that is, women who have had their bodies cut open and mutiliated) to the REAL deal.

Stephen Handiside, a spokesman from My Face My Body, a British website dedicated to changing your natural gifts to something more ‘acceptable’ says: “We hadn’t realised such a high percentage of women are dissatisfied with their bust size and are so keen to do something about it.”

Maybe it’s because your inferior gender sees women as objects first and foremost, and what is a poor, mindless female to do except follow societal trends and fit in with the male ideal of what a woman is. How about this, Mr Handiside or any other man with views like yours: I find your body and especially your genitalia aesthetically displeasing, what are you going to do about your abs which are more of a keg than a sixpack, your penis which a forensic scientist would miss with a magnifying glass and your dangly, misshapen testicles?

Stop the media from telling us that a woman is only valuable with a 20 inch waist and an E cup. Stop brainwashing women who don’t know any better than to mutilate themselves to attain some form of ‘power’ or ‘control’ over you. And stop your chauvanistic, arsehole, bastardly asides about women you see in the street. Every woman you comment on looks just like us, is a pair of breasts and a vagina and a BRAIN as well. How are we supposed to indulge in conversation with a man who, by celebrating the modern construction of ‘beauty’, is belittling every woman who refuses to bow down to your lies?


It’s the end of the world as we know it (finally!)

So everyone I’ve talked to lately has said that 2012 is shit. And, well, I can see where they’re coming from. But you want a really bad recent end-of-the-world movie (apart from, say, The Day The Earth Stood Still remake in which Keanu Reeves did a wonderful job as an expressionless alien)? Try Quantum Apocalypse! If it weren’t for the fact that the acting was horrible and the story was boring, the earth-shattering disasters which barely killed any CGI humans and the (literally) shaky camera work (unless it was my so-called DVD rip?) would have ruined it. On reflection, I really only liked two things about Quantum Apocalypse: the brilliant, misunderstood, autistic man who saves the world and the weird physicist woman’s hair. While 2012 had a lot of things I liked: massive natural disasters killing CGI people like the ants that they are, a stupid romantic sub-plot for me to bitch and moan about (if it takes the end of the world to revive your relationship, it’s probably not worth saving!) and a highly implausible premise. Plus the animals getting air-lifted to the arks? Hilarious!

In conclusion, 2012 may be another formulaic, overly dependent on special effects movie (like, say, Day After Tomorrow and Deep Impact which I also love), but it could have been a lot worse, and we should be grateful for this wonderful glimpse into an alternate universe in which humankind is being squashed like the galactic bugs we are.